The president who promised to unite the country is going on TV Thursday to call us conservatives “Nazis” or something equally as stupid. The ostracizer-in-chief, who threatened the unvaxxed with unemployment and a mythical “winter of severe illness and death,” is going to dumb-splain once again how we conservatives are a threat to democracy. And it’s going to be hilarious.

FACT-O-RAMA! Biden called it a “pandemic of the unvaccinated” but we later learned that vaccinated people make up most of the new COVID cases.

The real question is this: Which Joe Biden will we get tonight? Will we get the Biden who shakes hands with the ghost of Theodore Roosevelt or the Adderall-drilled Biden who snaps at his audience during speeches? I asked my Magic 8-ball if Whisper Joe will make an appearance, and I got a curt “Can’t say now” response.

For our VIPs: Five Scandalous Biden Administration Cover-Ups

One thing we know is that whatever the Democrats accuse us of doing, they are doing themselves (I wrote about this recently). So when Biden calls conservatives a “threat to democracy,” we know they are about to do something really stupid to threaten our democracy. You know — for “our safety.”

TYRANNY-O-RAMA! Click here for a list of some of Biden’s Stalin-icious moves since taking office.

I’m predicting that Joe “showered with his daughter” Biden is going to hammer Trump and his “ultra MAGA” legions as threats to the future of the country. He is going to discuss apocryphal “intel” that “militia types” are planning to topple the nation. He’ll mention the two guys in Michigan recently convicted of attempting to kidnap Michigan’s commie Gov. Gretchen Whitmer in a trial people have been calling a joke. I suspect he will tell us to stop criticizing his KGB FBI. He will also lie — a LOT.

Then I predict he is going to announce his plans to “preserve democracy” by issuing some democracy-chomping nonsense that targets Trump and his supporters. It’s already happening.

SLANDER-O-RAMA! The FBI recently decided  that anyone wearing a “Don’t tread on me” t-shirt or flying a Betsy Ross flag is a potential “militia violent extremist.” BLM and Antifa somehow didn’t make that list despite incurring between $1 billion and $2 billion worth of damage to our nation.

Look for Joe to demonize Trump for two reasons: to scare his brittle base into believing Trump is an existential threat to the nation and to prepare the United States for the impending arrest of the former president. Remember, the goal here is to keep Trump from running for president — at any cost — and to end the MAGA movement. If you think the Mar-a-Lago raid and Thursday’s speech weren’t planned and coordinated, I’d like to sell you my invisible unicorn that mixes drinks and cuts the lawn.

Related: Yes, They’re Going to Arrest Donald Trump. Deal With It.

FACT-O-RAMA! The same blue-anon jackpuddings who unwaveringly believe Trump said to drink bleach and that “some Nazis are good,” and that he colluded with Russia, will swallow every drop of Biden’s Thursday-night flapdoodle.

I also predict Biden will come down on the Second Amendment. The Democrats’ short-term goal is to end Trump’s political career, but long-term, they want to go full commie. They know that’s hard to do when half the nation is strapped.

I predict Biden will also say something provocative in the hopes of setting off a conservative to do something stupid and violent. Please don’t take the bait.


The president who was all for locking us down and firing the unvaccinated and who connived with lefty news outlets and big tech is going to tell us how democracy is being threatened by the bad orange man and his filthy followers.

To make the speech tolerable, I recommend a drinking game. I’ll be enjoying a MAGA-rita, and I will take a sip every time Biden uses the words “threat,” “democracy,” “previous,” and “predecessor.” (He won’t want to say Trump’s name. Leftists choke when they try).

The MAGA-rita

  • Undocumented Tanteo jalapeño tequila
  • Triple sec
  • Lime juice
  • A little cherry juice (because MAGA means red!)
  • Build a wall of salt around the glass rim
  • Assimilate all ingredients

I also recommend the LGB! It’s lime juice, gin, and bitters. (I recommend lavender or orange bitters. Think of this cocktail as a fancy gimlet).

Side bet: Biden hasn’t pooped his pants in a while. I’m calling it now. He’s due for a “shart week.”

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