Top O’ the Briefing
Happy Tuesday, dear Kruiser Morning Briefing friends. Marisol quickly made friends with the islanders by bedazzling “I’m With Stupid” t-shirts for all of the couples.
Seven weeks from today this beleaguered country can take its first steps towards wresting control of the asylum away from the inmates. Opinions about what might actually transpire on election day are more all over the place than the moods of a hormonal teenager. On last week’s Five O’Clock Somewhere VIP Gold broadcast, I said that we’re at the point in the election cycle where it’s possible to find a poll that supports any position you want to take.
The Democrats’ late-summer flashes of optimism are now yielding to the harshest reality they’ll have to face this fall: their candidates can’t run away from Joe Biden.
For reasons I can’t fathom but won’t complain about, they aren’t sticking the old boy in the basement to keep him from embarrassing them in public. Biden’s recent appearance on 60 Minutes was filled with “drunk, crazy uncle” moments, like his bizarro spin on the crippling inflation that he’s responsible for.
As Robert wrote, it got even weirder when Biden was attempting to defend his mental aptitude:
Biden’s false bravado was bad enough, but he wasn’t finished. He continued: “I — I think that, you know — I don’t — when I sit down with our NATO allies and keep ’em together, I don’t have ’em saying, ‘Wait a minute, w— how — how old are you? What are you — what say?’ You know, I mean, it’s a matter of, you know, that old expression: The proof of the pudding’s in the eating. I mean, I — I — I respect the fact that people would say, you know, ‘You’re old.’ And — but I think it relates to h— how much energy you have, and whether or not the job you’re doing is one consistent with what any person of any age would be able to do.”
I think when he sits down with our NATO allies they spend all of their time thinking that they should pick up Rosetta Stone Mandarin and get ready for their new Chinese overlords.
It’s not just that he is an addled trainwreck of a human being, of course, but that he and his handlers have been dousing the economy and the Constitution in too-expensive gasoline and lighting it all on fire.
Stacey wrote a great post yesterday detailing just why the Biden burden is going to be impossible to shake. She shared some good news about a couple of Senate races, which you know I’ve been a pessimist regarding:
The bad news for Cohn is that the Democrats’ comfortable leads in Arizona and Pennsylvania are evaporating. The latest poll from Trafalgar Group shows incumbent Senator Mark Kelly (D-Ariz.) is now clinging to a 1.2% advantage over Republican challenger Blake Masters. In the Arizona gubernatorial race, Trafalgar shows Republican Kari Lake with more than a four-point lead over the Democrat challenger. It is hard to believe Lake does not have coattails sufficient to push Masters over the line.
Trafalgar shows the Pennsylvania Senate race is neck and neck between Democrat John Fetterman and Republican Dr. Mehmet Oz. Fetterman increased his public events, and voters are starting to see how badly a stroke earlier in the campaign cycle impaired his communication ability. Recent interviews also displayed some of Fetterman’s more radical policies, like support for releasing one-third of Pennsylvania inmates. His once double-digit lead is gone.
This is all happening because of the stink at the top of the Democratic party. They can’t Silkwood Shower away the havoc that Joe Biden continues to wreak on the good citizens of this country.
Biden may not actually be on the ballot this year but his underwater agenda is. Voters know that even if they can’t get him out of office, they can hamstring his wicked commie ways.
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The Mailbag of Magnificence contributions can be sent to [email protected].
The Mailbag of Magnificence
Let us begin the Tuesday trip to the mailbag with this note from LindaAnn:
Although I’m bad about not getting to the Morning Briefing until late evening, I’m so glad you do those little opening musings. I’d missed your funny end-lines below the Kabana Comedy bits, and I wondered why they weren’t there any more. It made me sad when you stopped them, sort of how I miss it when Gutfeld accidentally forgets to say “I love you, America!” at the end of every show. (I take it quite personally!)
Anyway, while that opening line usually gives me a chuckle, the one you did today re “Kurtis’s opinions on capri pants” really tickled me, because I could actually imagine that entire scenario! However, now I’m not sure I feel sorrier for Kurtis or the backgammon club…
Thanks also for your words holding “Catholic” Biden’s feet to the fire on abortion. Really pains me how he, Pelosi, and other supposedly “good Catholics” get away with tarnishing our faith, especially when it comes to pro-life issues.
Keep up the great work!
Thank you! At first, I was trying to come up with a regular sign-off line at the end. Nothing ever resonated with me. I tried to do some goofy lines at the end but that was a pain after a while. It is much easier for me to come up with something weird when I start writing. By the time I’ve done the whole Briefing, I just want to publish it and see if there’s any cheese in the house.
Robert brings up something that gets brought up a lot (I left out some of this):
Brother Kruiser, you rock!
I was a regular reader before you took over from Liz Shield and have enjoyed both “versions” of the Briefing. Your non-sequiturs in the intro have become a favorite.
One point on wording, though; you keep using the term “liberal” to refer to these disgusting enemies of our country. We all know they are the most dogmatic, doctrinaire, illiberal scum imaginable. You make your living using words…I would suggest calling commies, commies and discard the term “liberal” save for those rarest of people who lean left but can understand logic, reason and fact. I know one of those and he’s the exception who proves the rule.
Please keep up the good work; one of these days my schedule will permit me to enjoy “Five O’clock Somewhere”
People mention the “liberal” thing all the time. First, anyone who reads me knows that I do use “commies” a lot. I also call them “leftists” as well. All apply. I write about these idiots for a living and I can’t just use the same word over and over. Also, when trying to keep headlines pithy, “libs” is often helpful. So “liberals” is sticking around here in my Morning Briefing dictatorship. Maybe I’ll try to work in “diaper-fillers” more often.
Hey der Kruiser,
Who are these people you keep mentioning in your opening lines? Is Roderick your coworker (or boss or intern)? You should introduce them to us!
I LOL’d at work when I read about Martha’s Vineyard panicking over a mere 50 illegal aliens. Next time they send 50 of them to some blue state utopia, they should have them carry photos of the other 2,000 illegal aliens who weren’t so lucky as to wake up in some millionaires’ backyards.
Well Dan, if I do ever get an intern I can assure you that it’s not going be some dude named Roderick. I’m going to need more of a Christina Hendricks type. Honestly, I have no idea where the names come from or why I started using them. I’m just weird, but I make it work.
I cannot begin to describe how much fun I’m having watching these midwest and northeast sanctuary lefties being forced to fly their hypocrisy freak flags for everyone to see. I’d be willing to work on an exchange program. One American open borders leftist for one illegal immigrant from south of the border. Let’s make it happen!
We will finish with this from Lee:
You just wrote, “Oh, icky people!” immediately followed by “Democrats love making….”
Please. Never. Do. That. Again.
Hey, how the words get twisted in your head is on you. Although it’s occasionally referred to as “infectious,” my particular kind of madness is not actually contagious.
As far as we know.
Thanks to all who wrote in. Keep ’em coming for Friday’s fun!
Everything Isn’t Awful
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