“Congrats. You discovered waves.” That’s the kind of kudos that experting scienceologist Chris Gloninger was being showered with this weekend for his truly remarkable Finding Out of Things using his keen powers of climate alarm.
You see, ol’ Chris — or “Archimedes of the Hamptons” as he’s known around the Zoom office (they are going to in person with masks next year) — posted a video from a beach that had increased wave activity thanks to Hurricane Fiona, one of the few such hurricanes this year but a devastating one for Puerto Rico.
Much less devastating were the waves intrepid internet weatherman Gloninger was able to bravely capture film of. But as my Nanna used to say: never let lack of alarm stop alarmism, Frederick. (Nanna was very fancy about names.)
And Glonny, as they call him around the other Zoom office (it’s possible judging by his photo he’s still in elementary school — or forbidden to be around one, I’m not sure which) — Glonny, I was saying, took Nanna’s message to heart and drummed up some devastating impact with the power of word saying.
Just east from my earlier video (this is in East Hampton). Impressive wave energy from #Fiona. Look left at waves eating away at dunes. Rising sea level brought on by #ClimateEmergency making matters worse. #ActOnClimate pic.twitter.com/QMB8hAs5Ux
— Chris Gloninger (@ChrisGloninger) September 23, 2022
The internet was sorely impressed of course.
Congrats. You discovered waves.
— Bonchie (@bonchieredstate) September 25, 2022
Mother of God. I can’t believe there’s ocean at the beach. When will people start taking climate change seriously? We need to act now to return beaches to their oceanless state.
— Eric Spencer (@JustEric) September 25, 2022
This is a CALM day on an Atlantic beach…unbelievable. https://t.co/Rpa3VxgVkN
— Rank Badjin (@badjin_rank) September 25, 2022
What a self-own this was. No one on that beach is scared. This is definitely not picture of a “climate emergency.” https://t.co/FWJ1T4SFBA
— Bart Taliaferro 🌻 (@bartholomewtali) September 25, 2022
Yeah man, everyone looks super panicked. https://t.co/ao9Tr6j7Jh
— Stephen L. Miller (@redsteeze) September 25, 2022
Chris that’s a wave https://t.co/9q9I421m2R
— Redneck Geisha 📿 (@kaya_masters) September 25, 2022
Sadly, Big Joe had to put a damper on Mr. Gloningerm’s (as he is known around the hypochondriac message boards) doomthusiasm.
The height of ignorance. 1) Has not been hit in 32 years, averaged 1 every 7 in previous 53. 2). Hurricanes have been causing this forever. My gosh how do these people even have the gall to say this krap. Thats what it is. Krap https://t.co/nxTIewfTWl
— Joe Bastardi (@BigJoeBastardi) September 25, 2022
You’d think that’d be the end of it right?
OF COURSE YOU WOULDN’T THINK THAT. Nothing is ever the end of it online, right? I mean come on.
You see after about 17 billion people replied making fun of him (my counting computer was made by the people who make climate modeling computers), ol’ Gloominger (as he’s known at the parties he doesn’t get invited to) got all fussy britches about it.
We need a term like “mansplain” for #climatedeniers that try to counter climate and atmospheric scientists with “data” from their Google searches…
— Chris Gloninger (@ChrisGloninger) September 25, 2022
I think he thought that was a clever burn. Wanting a term like mansplain for his own victimhood was his clever burn.
Then again he thought waves were global warming so I guess it makes sense he’s bad at gauging burns.
Anyhoo, I’ll say this for my new best friend: LOL.