https://babylonbee.com/news/9-times-chick-fil-a-employees-saved-a-customers-life-in-the-drive-thru/

Not all heroes wear capes, but lots of them wear red polos and goofy-looking yellow suspenders. Here we have collected nine legendary tales of when Chick-fil-A employees literally saved a customer’s life in the drive-thru:

  1. Performed emergency appendectomy using the plastic gardening tools that come with the kid’s meal – the scar reportedly reads “my pleasure”.
  2. Fought off attempted carjackers using only a straw – sources say this humble employee was the actual inspiration for the John Wick franchise.
  3. Dove through the window to jump on an actual grenade – fortunately he lived, as the suspenders are grenade-proof.
  4. Judo chopped Chick-Fil-A Sauce into the eyes of a starving, rabid bear – simply part of standard drive-thru training.
  5. Slayed a rampaging giant with a nugget fired from a slingshot – five nuggets per kid’s meal, just like the five stones David took to battle Goliath. No coincidence.
  6. Stopped your mom from getting any more milkshakes – Oooooooo!
  7. Fended off an army of orcs while cradling a tired mom’s colicky newborn – this feat earned Sarah from Topeka “Employee of the Month” honors.
  8. Provided free marriage counseling to a couple that was about to wind up on Dateline – that spicy chicken deluxe saved an unsuspecting husband from winding up in a wood-chipper.
  9. Defused a nuclear bomb – gave special agent Jack Bauer the easiest 24 hours of his natural life.

Thank you, Chick-Fil-A employees! You are like Marvel heroes, except with delicious chicken and far better dialogue.


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