AUSTIN, TX — A Tesla spokesperson announced that Elon Musk’s new robot, the Tesla Optimus, has already fathered 7 baby robots. The announcement came as a shock both to Tesla and the greater engineering community.
“For a robot to have seven children in its first week of existence, or at any time, is unheard of,” said the Dean of Yale’s Engineering department, Joseph Funches. “It’s understandable for robots to take on some of the qualities of their creators, but we didn’t expect this machine to so imitate the prolific procreation abilities of its maker.”
Scientists are unsure of how the robot fathered so many children this quickly, and are still unsure whether any robot mothers were involved. “We still don’t understand much about robot procreation,” said robotics expert Sarah Patterson. “But at this rate, there’s a chance robots will outnumber humans within a few years.”
Several Tesla stockholders expressed excitement about the news. “Seven robot children is amazing,” said tech investor Barry Slidell. “That’s seven robots that Tesla can sell without having had to produce them! Robot procreation is the future of the company!” However, some investors expressed worry. “I’m not going to buy a robot if it’s going to be getting busy under my roof. I don’t have space for a robot family,” said Tesla short seller Cara King.
Several congresswomen criticized Musk and his robot children. “Why was abortion not an option for these poor robot babies?” said a congresswoman who wished to remain anonymous. “Now they have to grow up in Texas.”
Can this liberal California couple handle their new life in Texas?