INDEPENDENCE, MO — In promising news for murderers everywhere, the results of a new study indicate the month of October is the perfect time to bury a dead body in your own front yard.
“The Halloween season provides the ideal camouflage for the act of actually burying a corpse in plain sight,” said Barry Gusey, Professor of Anthropology at the University of Missouri, where the study was conducted. “Our findings show that digging a grave and burying a body in any other month of the year is sure to raise red flags and likely draw the attention of law enforcement.”
As a part of the study, researchers even went as far as to put up clearly written signs reading “DEAD BODY BURIED HERE” with arrows pointing to a mound of freshly shoveled dirt. When no unusual attention was paid even after dumping buckets of fake blood all over the yard and scattering various instruments of torture in the area, the results of the study became strikingly evident.
“This is a game-changer,” said Ben Casey, long suspected by locals to be a serial killer. “I’ve spent a lot of time and effort over the years trying to dispose of…unwanted objects. Knowing that I can just wait until October to bury these…items…will really make things easier.”
At publishing time, the research team was already eagerly planning its next study to determine if the night of July 4th was, indeed, the perfect day to bomb something.
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