ISRAEL — Biblical scholars have at last uncovered a missing verse from the end of the book of Leviticus that reads: ‘So Anyway, All That To Say, Here’s A Killer Oatmeal Cookie Recipe’. Scholars now believe that this new verse puts the rest of the book into perspective as a lengthy buildup to how to make some tasty treats.
“It all makes sense now! After listing ritual after ritual followed by very detailed descriptions of what’s clean and unclean, and going on for 27 chapters — I finally see Leviticus clearly: it is an ancient food blogger building up hype and giving endless backstory before sharing their famous recipe,” said biblical scholar Gary Thrunkfield. “How could we have been so blind? Of course you save the best parts for last if you want to retain readership and maximize ad revenue!”
Mr. Thrunkfiled continued, “It’s the classic food blogger formula: tease that there’s something extraordinary at the end, and then spend page after page dragging things out telling you their life’s story. Before you learn how to make delicious cookies they have to talk about how they escaped from Egypt, wandered in the dessert for 40 years, how they disobeyed God, and what they’re doing now to fix it. And then finally, with suffieicient backstory at last they divulge their secret cookie recipe.”
According to sources, some scholars now believe that Leviticus was all preparation for the proper hygiene before making these divine oatmeal cookies. “These aren’t just any old cookies,” added Gary Thrunkfeild. “You can’t just wash your hands real quick and bake these bad boys. You need 2 weeks to get clean, first!”
At publishing time, all those who doubted the validity of the new verse had their minds changed immediately once they took one bite of the heavenly oatmeal cookies.
Can this liberal California couple handle a Texas cookout?