U.S. — In response to overwhelming feedback, Disney has announced a new vacation package in which families pay $3,000 to not visit any Disney theme parks. Currently, only Disneyland in Anaheim and Disney World in Orlando are covered under the new ticketing option. Fans are still required to visit Disneyland Paris.

“I’m so thankful that Disney is finally listening to its fans and giving us an option to not spend money,” said one Disney fan who lives in her car. “It was getting so expensive to renew my annual pass every year.”

Fans and non-fans alike are looking forward to the launch of the new program. “I’ve hated taking the family to Disney ever since they snuck that gay kiss into Star Wars. Now, I don’t have to!” said Dusty Rumples of Oklahoma City. “I’m so relieved.”

Pre-orders for the new Disney Free Vacation Package have reportedly overwhelmed the company. Disney CEO Bob Chapek says he regrets not putting the program together sooner. “We spent so much effort worming our way into every facet of life that we hadn’t considered the financial burden we were placing on families.”

“But for a nominal fee, we can set you free.”

According to sources, Disney’s been so happy with the program’s success that they will soon follow up with options for families to pay $24.99 monthly to avoid subscribing to Disney Plus.

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