TOLEDO, OH — A local man was left frustrated early this morning upon finding out that he was expected to make coffee despite the fact that he hadn’t even had his morning coffee yet.

Tom Perry rose early to pack for his scheduled flight out of town and was incredulous that he would have to go through the arduous process of making coffee without the benefit of the boost he receives from his morning caffeine kick. “Whaaaaaaat?” Perry asked groggily upon entering the kitchen and discovering the empty coffee machine. “How should I be expected to make the coffee? I don’t usually have to actually do anything until I pump myself full of stimulants. This is lame.”

Sources say Perry fumbled with the coffee grounds and filter for a full five minutes as he couldn’t remember whether you’re supposed to put the coffee or the filter in first. “UGGGHHHHHHH!” he said. “Why is life so HAAAARRRDD?”

At publishing time, scientists and inventors around the world had been contacted to come up with ways to have fresh cups of coffee appear out of thin air every morning so no one has to go through the frustrating ordeal of having to make themselves coffee when they haven’t even had a chance to have their coffee yet.

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