10 Things You Can Do To Make Sure Our Elections Are Secure

10 Things You Can Do To Make Sure Our Elections Are Secure

https://babylonbee.com/news/10-things-you-can-do-to-make-sure-your-local-election-is-secure/

Brought to you by Patriot Mobile:

It can be hard to bother voting, especially when every election that hasn’t gone your way has been rigged. But don’t give up; you can do plenty to keep our elections safe and fair.

Check out these sweet life hacks to a secure election:

  1. Hire Kyle Rittenhouse to stand outside your polling place: He’ll protect your polling location from Antifa thugs.
  2. Set up life-sized cardboard cutouts of Dinesh D’Souza to scare away mules: His face haunts the dreams of many a ballot mule.
  3. Outlaw mail-in ballots and only accept votes cast through TRUTH Social comments: TRUTH Social is where the TRUE patriots hang out.
  4. Vote multiple times to make sure they’re paying attention: If you can cheat the election, so can anyone! You better vote 30,000 times just to be on the safe side.
  5. Put ballots under Mjölnir so only the worthy can vote: Why were the unworthy allowed to vote in the first place?
  6. Upload your consciousness to a computer system so you can oversee every vote made by every human: Unfortunately, as a transhuman entity, you will lose all voting rights. And your machine heart will no longer understand the meaning of love.
  7. Monitor all cemeteries to make sure the dead don’t vote: Keep an eye on pet cemeteries, too. Hamsters have been known to change election outcomes.
  8. Invite lots of plumbers to the polls to look out for burst pipes: Every burst pipe is good for about 380,000 fraudulent votes.
  9. Hang a sign in each poll booth that says ‘God is watching’: Works every time.
  10. Live in a red state: Apparently, they have it figured out there.

Enjoy a safe election season, everyone! Don’t forget to bring a crossbow in case you run into undead voters!


NOT SATIRE: Patriot Mobile, America’s ONLY Christian conservative wireless provider, is the ONLY alternative to woke mobile. We deliver dependable nationwide wireless service to our members, which allows us to fight for our God-given rights and Christian conservative values.

In 2022, we’re donating more than $2 million dollars to organizations that fight for our first amendment rights, second amendment rights, sanctity of life, and our veterans and first responders.

Make the switch today to receive free activation (code: BABYLONBEE), nationwide dependable coverage, support from our 100% US-based team, and the peace of mind that your money is going to a company that LOVES God and this country. We’re actively working every day to support Christian conservative causes.

Learn more at www.patriotmobile.com/babylonbee or give us a call at 972-PATRIOT.


Can this liberal California couple handle a Texas cookout?


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10 Things You Can Do To Make Sure Our Elections Are Secure

10 Things You Can Do To Make Sure Our Elections Are Secure

https://babylonbee.com/news/10-things-you-can-do-to-make-sure-your-local-election-is-secure/

Brought to you by Patriot Mobile:

It can be hard to bother voting, especially when every election that hasn’t gone your way has been rigged. But don’t give up; you can do plenty to keep our elections safe and fair.

Check out these sweet life hacks to a secure election:

  1. Hire Kyle Rittenhouse to stand outside your polling place: He’ll protect your polling location from Antifa thugs.
  2. Set up life-sized cardboard cutouts of Dinesh D’Souza to scare away mules: His face haunts the dreams of many a ballot mule.
  3. Outlaw mail-in ballots and only accept votes cast through TRUTH Social comments: TRUTH Social is where the TRUE patriots hang out.
  4. Vote multiple times to make sure they’re paying attention: If you can cheat the election, so can anyone! You better vote 30,000 times just to be on the safe side.
  5. Put ballots under Mjölnir so only the worthy can vote: Why were the unworthy allowed to vote in the first place?
  6. Upload your consciousness to a computer system so you can oversee every vote made by every human: Unfortunately, as a transhuman entity, you will lose all voting rights. And your machine heart will no longer understand the meaning of love.
  7. Monitor all cemeteries to make sure the dead don’t vote: Keep an eye on pet cemeteries, too. Hamsters have been known to change election outcomes.
  8. Invite lots of plumbers to the polls to look out for burst pipes: Every burst pipe is good for about 380,000 fraudulent votes.
  9. Hang a sign in each poll booth that says ‘God is watching’: Works every time.
  10. Live in a red state: Apparently, they have it figured out there.

Enjoy a safe election season, everyone! Don’t forget to bring a crossbow in case you run into undead voters!


NOT SATIRE: Patriot Mobile, America’s ONLY Christian conservative wireless provider, is the ONLY alternative to woke mobile. We deliver dependable nationwide wireless service to our members, which allows us to fight for our God-given rights and Christian conservative values.

In 2022, we’re donating more than $2 million dollars to organizations that fight for our first amendment rights, second amendment rights, sanctity of life, and our veterans and first responders.

Make the switch today to receive free activation (code: BABYLONBEE), nationwide dependable coverage, support from our 100% US-based team, and the peace of mind that your money is going to a company that LOVES God and this country. We’re actively working every day to support Christian conservative causes.

Learn more at www.patriotmobile.com/babylonbee or give us a call at 972-PATRIOT.


Can this liberal California couple handle a Texas cookout?


Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more 100% accurate videos

You Might Like
Learn more about RevenueStripe...

About The Author

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