BRADDOCK, PA — According to sources, Senate candidate John Fetterman was eating a quiet breakfast this morning when he suddenly blurted out the rest of the answer to question 3 of the debate from two nights ago.

“I support fracking. Yes, I support… it. I believe it’s a… clean form… of energy… to use. Vital to… our energy independence. Fracking. Fracking.” yelled Fetterman in between bites of Reese’s Puffs. “Two years ago… I had a… different position, but now I don’t… and I — Hey! Where’d everybody go? How’d I get here?”

Fetterman then started hyperventilating as his aides and nurses tried to calm him down.

Locals in Pennsylvania are being urged to put aside their ableist and bigoted tendencies and vote for Fetterman regardless of whether he’s capable of doing the job.

Journalists reached out to Fetterman for a response, which they anticipate getting next month.

Can this liberal California couple handle a Texas cookout?

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