Elon Musk is infamous for being a brutal boss to work for, and with his acquisition of Twitter, the employees will have to adjust to an absolutely crushing new work environment. Can they survive?

Here are 10 totally unreasonable new work expectations for Twitter employees:

  1. You have to complete your assigned tasks: Seriously? ALL of them?
  2. You must work more days than the number of days you have off: That means the majority of your week will be spent working. Cruel and unusual punishment!
  3. Lunch break is limited to 2 hours with a 15-minute grace period: You’ll have to cut your long bathroom and YouTube break short. Tragic.
  4. You must bow down to the golden Musk statue three times per day: When you hear the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp, pipes, and other musical instruments.
  5. No more long conversations with your dog’s therapist during work hours: You will be ill-equipped to help Fifi with her anxiety.
  6. Pronouns can only be changed once every 24 hours: You’ll suffer misgendering constantly. Hostile work environment!
  7. You must laugh at all Babylon Bee headlines: Ok, now this goes way too far.
  8. Notes for excused absences signed by Greta Thunberg will no longer be accepted: You may not skip work even if it’s a climate emergency.
  9. You may not post profanity-laced public tirades against your boss on the platform he owns: So much for free speech!
  10. If you bring in weed, you must bring in some for the boss too: And everyone must bring in weed on 4/20.

Please keep the employees of Twitter in your thoughts and prayers during this very difficult time!

Watch as a fired Twitter employee applies for her first *actual* job:

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