OK, guys. You’re definitely gonna want to gird your loins and brace yourselves for this exclusive scoop from the Washington Post on what’s really going on inside the U.S. Capitol building. Make sure you’re already sitting down in case you feel like you’re gonna faint or something:

Wow. Like, wow.

No kidding. That’s probably the very least that WaPo should do right now.

Is your mind blown by the headline? Wait til you get into the substance of the post. And there’s definitely some kind of substance here:

As part of a yearlong investigation into Congress’s relationship with slavery, The Washington Post analyzed more than 400 artworks in the U.S. Capitol building, from the Crypt to the ceiling of the Capitol Rotunda, and found that nearly one-third honor enslavers or Confederates. Another six honor possible enslavers — people whose slaveholding status is in dispute.

Just as governments and institutions across the country struggle with the complex and contradictory legacies of celebrated historical figures with troubling racial records, so too does any effort to catalog the role of the Capitol artworks’ subjects in the institution of slavery. This analysis, for example, includes at least four slaveholders – Benjamin Franklin, John Dickinson, Rufus King and Bartolomé de las Casas – who voluntarily freed the people they enslaved and publicly disavowed slavery while they were living. Other people, like Daniel Webster and Samuel Morse, were vocal defenders of slavery but did not themselves enslave people; artworks honoring them are not counted in The Post’s tally.

The Capitol Rotunda, at the heart of the building, is particularly replete with enslavers. More than two dozen artworks there depict enslavers, from statues on its marble floors and paintings on the walls to friezes and murals overhead. It also includes the only known depiction of a female enslaver in the building: Martha Washington, who inherited 84 enslaved people from her first husband.

This investigation comes complete with detailed diagrams as well as a comprehensive breakdown of the methodology. In other words, it’s hardcore AF.

Narrator: It’s not an exclusive. It should definitely exclude WaPo from being taken seriously, however.

To be fair to the Washington Post investigative team, this really is an exclusive:

Who knew?

A Twitchy exclusive investigation has revealed that they are not, in fact, our intellectual superiors.


Always look on the bright side of life.


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