https://babylonbee.com/news/9-surprising-benefits-of-the-vaccine/

Brought to you by Unbreakable:

People sure have been making a big deal about vaccine efficacy and myocarditis for some reason. Weird! Don’t be afraid of taking the vaccine. It may not cure COVID-19, but what it does do is far more valuable.

Check out these surprising benefits of the COVID vaccine:

  1. You are now better than everyone else: This must be how Ryan Reynolds feels.
  2. Wearing a mask is even more fun when vaccinated: You don’t just look like a superhero, you are one.
  3. You now have a good excuse not to exercise because your heart might explode: More time for Netflix!
  4. Even if one asks to see your vax card, you know it’s there in your wallet and that is a really special feeling: Priceless.
  5. Your year-round routine of staying locked in your home gets spiced up twice a year with booster trips: Nice!
  6. You’ll be thanked by name during Pfizer’s quarterly earnings report: We all need to do our part to keep big pharma in business.
  7. Your mRNA has been turned into LGBTQNA: Intersectionality!
  8. The third arm will help you in charades: And with climbing rocks.
  9. Your death can be sudden instead of long and drawn out: Whew! What a relief.

NOT SATIRE: Did God make COVID? According to top naturopathic doctor Dr. Mark Sherwood, who has a 100% COVID patient survival rate, “the answer has to be yes!” God made our immune system, He made every single thing in the world. So based on this premise alone, we should have the confidence to know that God didn’t create anything that would destroy his greatest creation.

In fact, numerous studies have shown that COVID is not the real killer. The Globalists who want nothing but to steal our souls and sever our relationship with our Father have turned the global government, media, and health authorities into their puppets to carry out their diabolical agenda.

Millions have suffered and statistics show millions of COVID-related deaths would’ve been prevented if people got access to life-saving early treatments for COVID that our renowned doctors have been using. It’s time for us to stand in the truth and claim our God-given freedom.

Sign up to watch the Unbreakable: Destined To Thrive | RELOADED series for FREE and get access to life-saving and life-changing advice from top natural medicine, medical professionals, and health experts now. And learn how to live boldly and courageously, free from fear.


Watch as a fired Twitter employee applies for her first *actual* job:


Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more guffaw-inducing chucklefests!

You Might Like
Learn more about RevenueStripe...