We all know that gas stoves are murderous devils, but they aren’t the only household appliances the government should ban for our own safety! Here are seven other appliances that are problematic:

  1. Toasters: Their job is to turn something white into something brown, which is basically blackface for bread.
  2. Furnaces: Uh oh, that’s basically like a gas stove for your entire house.
  3. Coffee Makers: Do you know how many third-world workers were exploited to bring you that bag of coffee beans? We don’t know either, but it’s probably a lot.
  4. Blenders: These turn everything into one homogenous slurry instead of retaining the individual identity of each ingredient. It’s like they don’t care about diversity at all!
  5. Washing Machines: Separate cycles for whites and colors? What year is it, 1619???
  6. Waffle Irons: You know who else liked waffles? Hitler, that’s who!
  7. Air Fryers: These aren’t problematic, but they take up a lot of counter space. Plus, they’re a real pain to clean.

Now go, be a good person, and throw all these appliances in the trash immediately.

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