The institution of marriage, or rather how we view the permanency of the institution, has changed dramatically over the past few decades.
It seems the predominant view is this union before God is not meant to last forever and can be ended over petty disagreements. Rather than being firm in commitments, more people are fickle.
That raises the question — is it ever okay to get divorced?
One reason why more people are changing their minds about marriage could be social media. That isn’t to say social media contributes to divorce, though studies showing it leads to cheating wouldn’t be surprising for obvious reasons. Rather, maybe social media has juvenilized the concept of marriage.
Perhaps some people see wedding photos or engagement posts and think “All my friends are taking pretty pictures on Instagram and on Facebook in white dresses. So when is it my turn to take pictures in white dresses and to caption my Instagram story with my husband ‘my forever date?’”
In other words, marriage for some people in my generation is just kind of a trend. Although the divorce rate for married American women is actually lower than its peak in the 1980s, that stat is still double what it was in the 1960s.
As I discussed on my show today, frivolous reasons are often driving divorce, but perhaps there are some grounds for ending a marriage.
On today’s episode of “Candace” I focused on women, not men.
I started thinking about this topic when I saw a woman posted online about ending her relationship with her husband because he wasn’t concerned that she was 20 minutes late for work one day. Her employer accidentally called him instead of her and he didn’t mention it to her until she brought it up that night. Her main gripe was that he was not concerned about her well-being and that she knew there was “more” out there.
And that’s just what many women tell themselves.
There is something “more” out there they deserve, and it’s better than what they are getting with their current spouse.
That “more” is usually the fictional idea that there exists a Prince Charming, who will never present any squabbles or difficulties you have to work through. Many women who end things think it’s not worth their time to work through issues, and simply end things, knowing they can hop on a dating app, swipe, and find somebody new that very day.
Well, I have news for ladies who believe that.
There is no such thing as a perfect partner. That is a figment of your imagination. You will never find it and will likely find a new reason to end things in your new marriage.
This is not to say there aren’t legitimate reasons for divorce, but I was curious what fans thought about the issue.
So, I asked my followers via Instagram when they knew it was over with their spouses. I wanted to know what their breaking point was.
As is suspected, some answers were rather innocuous.
For example, one lady said she decided to divorce her husband the first time he lied to her. Lying is never okay, but it’s not always grounds for divorce.
Well, unless it’s a really big lie — such as your husband being a fraud and cheating on you with men— then you might be justified in your decision. One Instagram follower told me she divorced her husband after he kept cheating on her with gay lovers. Many women probably wouldn’t give their husbands a second chance after the first time that happened.
If you’re a Catholic, it likely would be grounds for annulment in the Catholic Church as well, which means the Church dissolves the union. It’s as if it never happened. But there is a process for that and the reasoning has to meet certain criteria.
Then, another woman messaged me that she divorced her husband after he shot her while she was sleeping, which is a pretty darn good reason to end things.
So yes — there are real grounds for divorce sometimes: Violence, lies so deep you never would have married that person had you known the truth, child endangerment due to a toxic relationship, and more.
Then, again, there are bogus excuses. Maybe those reasons arise because the couple didn’t properly prepare for what the union demands before tying the knot.
One Instagram user said she divorced her husband because his breathing made her want to kill him. Okay, that is a bit harsh — to put it lightly— and not at all justifiable.
My real question is — what were you two doing before you got married?
Did you not spend enough time together that you didn’t realize his breathing would make life so unlivable for you? One time, I was seriously dating a boy and we were sitting on the couch. I realized everything he did — his breathing, sneezing, coughing — drove me nuts and I could never live that long term. We broke up three weeks later.
How could that audience member ever wind up walking down the aisle with a guy who annoyed her so badly? What were they working on before marriage?
Real relationships and marriage require dedication, attention, and sacrifice, day in and out, in order to survive. All long-term relationships do, actually.
Yet it seems many of us don’t know how to focus on that. That shows a lack of seriousness about committing yourself to something bigger than yourself.
And we have to start getting serious if we care about our children and our society. Many of society’s ills can be traced to the breakdown of the family — which often can be the result of a husband and wife who did not take the wedding vows seriously enough.