SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Disaster struck at the San Francisco Zoo today after a pair of furries was added to the African Lion enclosure.

“Hindsight is always 20/20,” said Zoo official Marcus Jones. “No way we could have seen that coming.”

While initially hesitant to put a furry in a cage with a lion, local activists mounted a campaign pressuring the zoo to affirm the furries’ identity as big cats. “Let-them-in! Let-them-in!” chanted protesters outside the lion exhibit, demanding the furries, named Xander and Nala, be allowed to join its big cat family.

“Who are you to say Xander isn’t a big cat?? Bigotry!” shouted Samantha Rawlins, one of Xander’s acquaintances. “Let love in!”

After weeks of protests, the Zoo caved and agreed to let them join their adopted herd at the exhibit. “Welp, here goes nothing,” said zookeeper Alex Taylor, opening the cage. “Head on in, just be careful to – aa!!! Aaa!!! Run, Xander!! Oh no, Nala! There goes one leg! There goes the other! Oh man, oh this is terrible!”

At publishing time, the Zoo was reconsidering its offer to let self-identified mermaids swim with the crocodiles.

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